The King

Once upon a time, there was a wise and good, kind king called Ronald. Ronald, at the grand old age of 75, was a bit of a coffin dodger, and as such was very gullible and smelled faintly of urine. Mainly due to the fact that he was bald and ugly, as well as being extremely FAT, Ronald had never married, but he was sure that one day, when he was grown-up enough, a beautiful young woman would fall in love with and marry him.

One day, a beautiful young woman, oh yes, a woman both young and beautiful, and intelligent as well, fell in love with him. Ronald, the wise, good, kind king, couldn't believe his luck. He decided to test this young woman, whose name was Gabrielle, and so asked his magic ugly troll wizard Conrad, who had fled his country of origin after charges of cannibalism and possessing magical powers, to come up with a plan.

Conrad turned Ronald into a handsome young man who didn't even smell vaguely of urine. This way, Ronald could try to woo Gabrielle to see if she really would be faithful to him in his old, decrepit, coffin dodging, urine stinking self. What Conrad the small evil ugly troll wizard did not realise was that he couldn't turn Ronald back into his true form, because as every good troll wizard knows, you can magic FAT people thin, but it's impossible to magic thin people FAT. And the smell of urine would not return until Ronald had aged to 75 again. But Ronald didn't realise this, and being old and gullible let Conrad the small evil ugly troll wizard do what he liked.

Ronald was overjoyed that he was young again for a little while (or so he thought), whereas Conrad was pooing bricks because he realised he had messed up very badly indeed, oh yes he had.

Gabrielle was repulsed by Ronald, the wise, good, kind, young, thin, handsome King (tm), because the real reason why she was in love with the original Ronald was because she had a fetish for men who smelled of urine. Ronald was really pleased that she was so faithful to the original him, and he went back to Conrad overjoyed that he had a true and honourable wife. Unfortunately, he then found out the Conrad couldn't magic him back to his old self, and so he couldn't make Gabrielle love him. He begged Conrad to find a way to help him, considering it was the silly troll wizard's fault in the first place. Conrad, being the considerate troll wizard he was, cast a magic spell on Ronald and killed him. This didn't really matter though, for at 75, Ronald was past it anyhow.

Conrad the small evil ugly troll wizard married Gabrielle, for he too smelled of urine, although not as strongly as Ronald had done, so Gabrielle didn't love him as much as she had Ronald.

Despite this, they all lived happily after, apart from Ronald, because he was dead, and also apart from Gabrielle, because Conrad the small evil ugly troll wizard ate her and all the children they had had together. So only Conrad lived happily ever after, but don't let that spoil the essential childhood innocence of this story.

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