FUQ (Frequently Unanswered Questions)
I was going to have a FAQ section, but I realised that people don't frequently ask me questions or,
if they do, it's almost always some trivial matter such as "Shall we go for lunch now?",
"How does one spell 'illiterate'?", or "What's the difference between the imperfect and pluperfect tenses?"
So instead, I decided to devote this page to questions that I ask frequently, but to which I have yet to hear
a satisfactory answer. If you, reader, feel that you can solve any of these conundra where countless others
(well ok, I never bothered keeping count) before you have failed, then please contact me.
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Why do girls eat toilet paper? Or how else can their copious consumption of it be explained?
One explanation I've heard postulated for this is that it's done to make their stomachs feel full, whilst
not actually taking on board anything calorific. However, this doesn't convince me:
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Why don't they just eat a bowl of bran instead? It's the raison d'être of bran, whereas toilet
paper actually has other useful purposes.
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Not every female I know is that desperate to keep their weight down, yet almost all of them can make
a healthy roll shrink down to that crappy cardboard tube in the centre in a matter of minutes.
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Were this really the case, I still don't see how it would explain the muffled cackling I often hear
emanating from the bathroom, shortly before finding I've got to make yet another trip to the supermarket.
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What redundant clothes were regarded as smart back in the days when ties actually served a practical purpose?
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What is it with old women and blue rinses? When does it occur to them, "I've got white hair, let's
spice it up a little. I know the perfect thing - I'll dye it kind of purpley-blue"? If they saw a youth of
today walking around with pink or green hair, they'd tut audibly, yet for some reason it's acceptable, nay
bordering on compulsory, for them to have their hair done in this ridiculous fashion.
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Why is the musical genre 'Easy Listening' so called?
Truth be told, I find much of it extremely difficult to listen to without wanting
to mince bunny-rabbits.
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Marmite.Why?
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